“You have a man for everything!”–My chiropractor.
Who I’ve been friends with since I was 19. I really should start a blog called, “Things my Chiropractor points out”.
This past year, for the first time in my life, I allowed the masculine to be there for me in a profound way.
Growing up I didn’t have a father around or even an uncle to “do things” and my mother sure didn’t know how to fix/build, etc.
So I learned how. While everyone thought it was so cool that I could design and build chicken coops and fences with my bare hands…. those skills came from a trauma response.
And I built up the shells around my heart more and more each time I “just did it” myself. Whatever that “it’ was.
It got to the point that in my early 20s, I rejected help from most people (the few and far offers that came in because I had a big NO stamped on my forehead).
And if a man offered me help, well, I sure was going to supervise him and tell him what he was doing wrong each step of the way because ….. the masculine couldn’t be trusted (in my opinion back then).
Yes, I’m now a magnet for my desire. Yes, the masculine shows up without me having to explicitly ask these days.
It took damn near two decades of sifting through the shells around my heart to allow this in. It was a concentrated effort at first and I had to LEARN how to ask for help.
There was a lot of kicking and screaming on my part at the time because… my defenses were known. And so they were safe. Even though I wanted something different.
During the past 3 years, I have been given the opportunity to heal and be open to The Universe (a masculine force that is God for me personally). There was still a certain amount of squirming…..and cursing even when I was surrendering to where God was leading…..
Then the physical men started to show up. In a non-sexual way. Which was also a huge first for me.
Gifts, directions, assistance with bags, fixing things, answering questions with expert advice, freebies, lunches, rides, you name it….including money (for just being me) started showing up.
……and for as bloody skilled as I am of a channel and intuitive….I can’t see where it’s going to come from.
It’s like I am BLIND to the how.
And oh my GOD…… it has so often made me want to vomit.
My trauma used to cause me to have a backup plan to the backup plan….to another backup…. with emergency cash in odd places…. because I just KNEW all the shoes would drop and I’d be left to myself to clean up the shitshow, again…..
Yet in that Blindness, The Universe has PROVIDED everything that I ask for.
Thus, people in my life have been commenting about how men show up for me.
Having the masculine 5D and 3D in such beautiful harmony has also led me to trust The Universe in my business even more.
This brings me to the beautiful changes happening within my business and offerings. Which I giggle about because this is allllll the stuff I put down on a piece of paper at least 2 years ago.